As Megan Fox prepares her deliciously curvy body to lead "Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen" into the summer's big blockbuster action movie, we're also drawn to the upcoming "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra." Here's the difference. With "Transformers," we think "Oh, that'll be fun to see." With "G.I. Joe," it's "Oh, that'll be fun to see and make fun of." Now, what we're supposed to deal with is the fact the Hollywood has an obsession with making movies that exploit our childhood memories. Any kid born in the 80s has learned that the shows and toys they grew up with are now becoming huge Hollywood action movies, and in most cases, are doomed to fail right from the start.
It's unusual that "Transformers" fared so well when it came out, especially since Michael Bay is essentially the ADD director of action movies. Plus, it turned Shia LaBeouf into an action star (even though in all of the biggest action movies he's been in, i.e. "Transformers," "Disturbia," "Indy Jones 5," "Eagle Eye," he's actually RUNNING AWAY from the enemy). However, outside of Transformers, the only childhood memory to have emerged from the film industry successfully was "Clue." Now, since Hollywood is slowly fading out of the sequel and remake phase (although it's far from over) they're focusing their attention on what made us kids.
Think of the upcoming "Where the Wild Things Are" and "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs." Either my adulthood will fuse with my childhood and make my life complete, or my childhood will be completely repressed from my memory because I can only associate it with mediocre kids movies made 15 years after I was a kid. Or, to briefly discuss boardgames, how about the in-works movie adaptations of "Ouija," "Monopoly," "Candy Land," and "Battleship" (which I really can't imagine anything besides two old people sitting at a table and yelling out "You sunk my battleship!" while their dentures chatter in the glass besides them...[shiver]).
As for "Transformers: RotF" and "G.I. Joe: tRoC," we're faced with the fact that Hollywood is trying to transform our childhood memories into serious pieces of film, while at the same time trying to blow up as much stuff as possible. The only solace we have is that Optimus Prime still has his original voice, and that Megan Fox has a smoking hot body in very little clothing. As far as I'm concerned, "G.I. Joe," lacks both of those. Although, there is Snake Eye. And seeing him fight may be the pinnacle of the film. Just remember: Stephen Sommers, the director, was fired because Paramount received the worst screen testing results EVER. Probably exaggerated, but still pretty brutal. Now I'm afraid of seeing my childhood memories with G.I. Joe action figures crumbling before my eyes. Sigh...
Just look at the pic of Megan Fox to make you feel better.
P.S. I'm expecting a movie on Hungry Hungry hippos. Ving Rhames as the Green Hippo, Queen Latifah as the Pink Hippo, John Goodman as the Blue Hippo, and Jack Black as the Yellow Hippo. Thoughts?
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